We, who do what we do, live with the persistent knowledge of what we have done.
It's so very easy for those who have not done what we have done to dissect our actions.
"Yeah, maddog, but I would have done THIS. "
All I know is that I came on scene and there were people, and blood, and gunk, and a big mess.
I put tubes where they should go. I pushed on the things that needed pushing and I gave the drugs that needed giving.
The whole time I'm sweating how well or how poorly I'm doing. It's not about me, It's about my patient.
You can sit back in your "armchair" all you want but, it was ME that was doing CPR, Intubating, pushing the drugs and otherwise making the decisions that helped the family know we had done all we could.
You will never be the medic that I was at that exact moment.
Me? I'll spend the rest of my life thinking about what I could have done. I don't need you to ask me stupid questions.
--maddog
EDIT: This post was written in response to the casual comments by a less-than-professional jerk after a particularly difficult call. It is NOT directed at you, my dear and loyal readers! Thanks for reading.
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